Shallow-Truster

If I'm being totally honest, I have to admit I'm a shallow-truster.  I wish I could trust with abandon.  But I'm more like the boy's father in Mark 9, "I believe; help my unbelief!"  I can trust in little things, but still tend to freak out over big things.  I hate this about myself, but I'm asking God to help me with it.

(which means He brings me multiple opportunities to 'practice' trust :/)

Last night was a rough one.  My husband was part of an incredibly painful, difficult conversation, and after he came home and 'debriefed' with me (which included rehashing the conversation - complete with varying levels of emotions, answering my million questions and finally praying together so we wouldn't let anger/discouragement take hold), we both had less than restful sleep.  So as I'm flipping through my journal (because that's what I do when I'm procrastinating instead of actually making a new entry), I found the page where I had written down the Prayer of St Teresa:

"Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. All things pass away:  God never changes." And I felt God saying, "I won't ever leave.  I know your world has been turned upside down.  But I am unchanging.  I'm still in control. And I won't let you go. Don't be upset. Don't be afraid. You can trust me."

I trust you God.  Help me trust you...

x